Brought back from an inspiration from an old friend. No guarantee any other links in the post are still valid.
Last night I had a dream that I was the jewish spider man, flying through the streets of downtown denver with my web spinning powers and abilities to spot a good sale, when suddenly there she was, standing on the corner lookin' all hot, my Mary Jane, the only girl on earth spider man is afraid to confess his undying love and devotion too... As I descend down onto the street while she was finishing her menthol… WAHBAM!@! I get side kicked by my arch nemesis... Catholic Man! "FUCK FOO YOU CATHOLIC MAN...I'LL NEVER CONVERT!!!" and then we start to fight in mid-air and start throwing moderately priced champagne at each other... that’s when I think I just kinda woke up... without an alarm mind you... weird.
So I pull up to employee parking this morning and pahk the cah. I look over next to me and there is bright red Pontiac Fiero parked next to my ride. Then I start thinking about something I’ve been meaning to write about for a little while now. Who honestly drives these cars? If you drive a Firebird, or a Camaro, you suck (period). Nobody takes you seriously and the only reason you get a date is because women feel sorry for your stupid ass. Granted there are some exceptions, if I had an ’84 t-top Camaro that was primer grey and the interior vinyl was falling apart, I would be the shit, but everyone else just looks like a fargin’ idiot. Honestly you truly deserve a beatdown for driving this crap ride of society. It’s not so much the car as the attitude, so we might as well throw newer Mustangs into this category too, a 20k sports car does not make you cool, it makes you that idiot that drives a plastic piece o’ crap retard mobile because you can’t afford a real one. You probably still wear Oakley Frogskins from 1992 and throw on your Hypercolor T-shirt to really impress the ladies. Should I qualify them as ladies? More like wookies, all that hair sprayed up in some sort of nappy offering to the sun gods… Do me a favor, stick to the back roads please, keep your neon license plate covers from kmart in Aurora, and for christ sakes man, you don’t need mudflaps, just take them off along with your plastic gold plated gas cap covers and fake trim…
Here's a little ditty just to illustrate my point, this is what I’m talking about here. If you got a little time and want to know how to get out of speeding tickets, listen to the mp3, this thing is just fricken’ hilarious.
(Original Post Date: 7/21/2004 9:50 AM)